1. Don’t Set Up Your Entire Circus Tent in Front of Someone’s Chair

If a family’s already staked out their spot, it’s not an invitation for you to pitch a 12-person pop-up tent directly in front of them like you’re reenacting the D-Day invasion.
Golden rule: If you can smell their sunscreen, you’re too close.

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2. Feeding Seagulls Is an Act of Terrorism

Throwing food to the gulls is like firing the starter pistol at the Florida Hunger Games.
One potato chip = 47 seagulls, 3 stolen hotdogs, and a toddler crying over a missing sandwich.
Congratulations. You’ve created airborne chaos.

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3. Your Bluetooth Speaker Doesn’t Make You a DJ

Everyone at the beach is already running their own bad decisions soundtrack internally.
They don’t need yours cranked up to 11.
(Especially if it’s "Margaritaville" on repeat. Jimmy Buffett is for after the sunburn, not during.)

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4. Respect the Wildlife (and No, You Can’t Ride the Turtles)

Manatees aren’t photo props. Sea turtles aren’t jet skis.
If you wouldn’t ride it at SeaWorld, you definitely shouldn’t ride it here.
(Yes, Chad, this includes “just touching” the stingrays.)

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5. Pick Up Your Trash Like You Were Raised by Something Better Than Wolves

If you can carry twelve White Claw cans to the beach, you can carry twelve empty ones off it.
Leaving your junk behind just ensures some poor intern in a "Protect the Turtles" T-shirt has to go pick it up while questioning their life choices.

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6. Know the Flag Colors Before You Go Swimming

There’s a reason Florida has more warning flags than a redneck’s Facebook page during election season.
Green = Good. Yellow = Meh. Red = Danger. Double Red = Swim and you’re arrested. Purple = Jellyfish or sharks (aka Florida’s spice level: extreme).

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7. Sand Is Not an Excuse to Forget How to Parent Your Kid

We all love the beach. We do not love getting buried alive by your feral child armed with a plastic shovel while you "sip and scroll."
Watch your offspring. Or the ocean will. And it is merciless.

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8. Local Secret: The Best Beaches Are Hidden for a Reason

If a local says "Nah, you don’t want to go there," it’s not reverse psychology. It’s because that beach is actually peaceful and we don’t want your 37 cousins and your foam cooler showing up.

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Florida Thought:

Florida beaches are heaven... until a tourist turns them into a landfill, a nightclub, and a wildlife crime scene all before noon.
If you must visit, just remember:
Leave only footprints.
Take only photos.
And for the love of flamingos, keep your speaker off.