The Case for New Old West Florida: America’s 51st State (Again)
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A Real Thing, We Swear
From 1763 to 1783, British West Florida existed as a bona fide colony with Pensacola as its capital, stretching along the Gulf Coast through what’s now part of Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana. Think of it as Florida’s cooler, redcoat-wearing cousin who went off to boarding school and never came back.
Then came the Revolution. Spain got it. Then the U.S. divided it. And now, most Americans have no idea it ever existed. But maybe it’s time to fix that…
Reclaiming Our Roots: The 51st State
West Florida 2.0 isn’t just nostalgia—it’s a rally cry. It would be the only state that’s a historical reboot, a throwback state, if you will.
Imagine the merch:
🧢 “West Florida: Est. 1763, Re-Est. 2025.”
📜 “The 51st Star, and the First with Sass.”
We’ve tried adding D.C., Puerto Rico, and even splitting California. But none of them come with tricorn hats, barbecue, and a burning desire to secede from humidity.
🏴☠️ Pros of a New Old West Florida (Now with Statehood)
1. A Flag Update That Finally Makes Sense
Instead of shoving another star onto the flag and pretending it looks balanced, why not make it a Union Jack gator hybrid? Now we’re talking unity.
2. 51st in Line, First in Drama
West Florida would instantly lead the nation in:
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Tornado warnings during church
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Golf cart DUI arrests
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Historical reenactors with Instagram accounts
3. Border Control (But Like, for Floridians)
Tallahassee would finally get a break from being the weird middle child between Pensacola and Miami. Let the Panhandle be its own beast—with proper paperwork.
🤨 Cons (If You Hate Fun and Freedom)
1. People Would Have to Learn History
Yes, Americans might need to glance at a Wikipedia page. Risky move.
2. The Florida License Plate Count Hits 187
We already have like 186 plate options. “British West Florida” might push us over the edge. (Still better than the Save the Manatee font.)
3. Alabama Might Get Jealous
We’re not saying Alabama would declare war, but they would try to claim our football team.
Fun with Statehood Maps
You know how the Louisiana Purchase gave us a bunch of bonus land? So did British West Florida—we just ignored it. But what if we drew the lines differently now? Let’s give it:
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Pensacola as the capital again
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Mobile as the cultural hub
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Biloxi as the party zone
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A very nervous sliver of Mississippi just for fun
Call to (Non-Binding, Satirical) Action
We, the historically misinformed people of the Gulf Coast, do hereby demand consideration for our long-lost identity.
🏴 One Nation, Fifty-One States, and One That’s Already Been Here Before.
🔥 Make America Colonial Again.
🇬🇧 Tea optional, beach mandatory.
🔗 For the Nerds Who Need Proof
☕ Featured Mug from the Resistance:
“51st State of Mind – British West Florida”
Now available at Unlawful Threads
Perfect for sipping tea—or moonshine—while plotting a mild constitutional disruption.
image credit to: Rattyrattery, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons