🌴 10 Signs You’ve Lived in Florida Too Long
1. You Know the Exact Dew Point That Means “Don’t Bother With Hair” 💦
You've become a walking barometer. If the humidity is over 70%, you're in a ponytail or hat. Anything under 60%? That’s “nice out.”
2. You've Had a Deep Conversation About the Strength of Publix Subs 🥖
You don’t just like Pub Subs. You have a favorite combo, a strong opinion about the chicken tender sub, and once defended it in a Facebook comment war.
3. You Can Tell the Difference Between Lightning That Hits Close and "Good Show Lightning" ⚡
One makes you unplug everything and hide your phone. The other? Just background noise while you're grilling.
4. You’ve Seen a Lizard in Your Shower and Just Went About Your Business 🦎
At first it was weird. Now it's just, "Hey little dude."
5. You Can Pronounce Okeechobee, Apalachicola, and Thonotosassa Without Thinking Twice 🗣️
Bonus points if you can say them with flair and while giving directions.
6. You’re Emotionally Numb to Alligator Sightings 🐊
Unless it’s chasing someone through a Wendy’s parking lot, you barely glance. “Oh hey, gator,” you say, sipping your iced coffee.
7. Your Wardrobe is Just Tank Tops, Flip-Flops, and One Hoodie (for 60° Emergencies) 🧢
You own one jacket. Maybe. And it’s probably from high school.
8. You’ve Planned a Vacation Around Hurricane Season… Twice 🌪️
You know better than to book anything after August. If you do, you keep the cancellation insurance on speed dial.
9. You Use “It’s Not That Bad” to Describe Weather That Would Kill a Midwesterner 🌞
100°F with 95% humidity? “It’s not that bad.” We hear you say, sweating through your Crocs.
10. You’ve Defended Florida in a Group Chat—Then Immediately Shared a “Florida Man” Meme 🧠
We can make fun of Florida. You can’t. That’s just the rule.
🐊 Final Thoughts
If these signs hit close to home, congratulations—you’re not just living in Florida, you are Florida. And that’s something to be proud of. Mostly. 😂
🔗 Want more?
Check out our other weird, wild, and true Florida stories here. And don’t forget to browse our Florida AF merch at Unlawful Threads – because if you’ve lived here too long, you might as well dress like it.
📣 Call to Action
Share this with the most Florida person you know. Or the least. Let’s convert them. 🌴👇