🧾 The Chicken Tender Sub

Chaotic Good. Emotionally Unavailable.

This is the Beyoncé of Publix subs.
If you order this, you are:

• Craving comfort but incapable of commitment

• The friend who shows up with snacks but disappears after one drink

• Also probably late for something

Bonus points if you get it tossed in buffalo sauce and immediately regret it.

You didn’t choose the chicken tender sub life.
It chose you — and then ghosted you after a hurricane.

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🐟 The Tuna Sub

Old Soul. Possibly Haunted.

This is a bold choice in a state where refrigeration is often a suggestion.
If you order the tuna, you're either:

• A grandparent

• A coastal witch

• Or someone who hasn’t tasted anything since 1978

You're not afraid of judgment, or mercury levels, and frankly… we respect that.

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🌶️ The Boar’s Head Italian Sub

Fights With HOA. Wins.

This is the spicy, layered mess that screams Florida Man With a Mortgage.
You’ve been in three neighborhood feuds, own a lawn flamingo collection, and use the phrase “I pay taxes” before parking where you shouldn’t.

This sub is a red flag wrapped in vinegar-soaked paper — and it’s perfect.

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🥬 The Veggie Sub

Thinks Bugs Are Cute… Until They’re Not.

Ordering the veggie sub at Publix is like bringing a reusable bag to Waffle House: noble, but risky.
If this is your go-to:

• You’ve said the phrase “plants are people too”

• You have a compost bin and emotional boundaries

• You once tried to rescue a palmetto bug before screaming and fleeing

Also — good luck explaining tempeh to your uncle at the next cookout.

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🥖 The Plain Turkey, No Sauce

Definitely Not From Here.

Are you okay?
Did you wander into Publix by accident while looking for Whole Foods?

This sub says:

• "I fear flavor."

• "I don’t tan — I sunburn in hex codes."

• "I still think Florida doesn’t get that hot."

You’re either a snowbird, a tourist, or a witness protection candidate.
Either way, welcome.
Now please try the spicy mustard.

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Florida Thought:

There are a thousand ways to order a Publix sub — and all of them reveal your soul.
In Florida, we don’t judge you for sweating through your shirt.
We judge you for choosing plain white bread and skipping the pickles.

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🧲 Call to Action

Drop your Publix sub order below.
We’ll tell you your Florida alignment.
We might roast you.
We will absolutely judge you.

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🔗 Bonus Links:

• Publix Sub Ordering Guide – Yes, There’s a Wiki

• Publix Chicken Tender Sub Schedule (Unofficial, but Gospel)

• Official Publix Sub Menu