*A Wacky Florida Holiday Tale in the Style of Dr. Seuss)
**Excerpt:**
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**The Swampy Setup**
Out past the mangroves and over the dunes,
Where the manatees snooze and the bobcat croons,
The swamp folk were ready for Santa to come —
With swampberry pies and mosquito-drum drums.
The raccoons hung stockings from old cypress knees,
While bullfrogs sang carols off-key in the breeze.
Otters wore sweaters (it’s true, don’t you doubt!)
But none of them noticed old Alistair Snout.
He watched from his hidey-hole deep in the muck,
His eyes full of mischief, his heart full of "Yuck!"
"If Santa’s a’coming, then so are his toys...
And so are the swamp’s loud, ruckus-filled joys!"
With a flick of his tail and a twist of his grin,
Alistair hatched up a plan soaked in sin.
"I’ll steal every present and pie in this bog!
I’ll be sneakier still than a catfish in fog!"
---
The Great Gator Heist
With the stealth of a panther, he slithered and slid,
Past possums and egrets (both sleepy-eyed kids).
He snatched all the cookies and snatched all the pies,
He snatched every present from under the skies!
He slunk through the swamp on his belly so low,
Grabbing up everything wrapped with a bow.
Fishing poles, snorkels, and airboats so shiny,
A crab-shaped pinata, and a kite with a mahi!
He even stole Bubba’s "Best Dad" foam hat,
And a pair of new boots meant for Cousin Jack.
He laughed as he piled them high on the shore,
"No Christmas this year! Not in my swamp! No more!"
---
The Christmas Confrontation
But just as he packed up his loot on the bank,
A voice called out loud from the roots of a cypress so dank.
It was Lil’ Louie, the smallest of frogs,
With a voice like a trumpet and courage for dogs.
"Hey Alistair Snout, what’s all this about?
Why’s my stocking all empty, my fish all cleaned out?"
"Go away, little tadpole, you’re messing my haul!
Don’t you know I’m the baddest old gator of all!"
But Lil’ Louie just grinned as he puffed up his chest,
And he croaked out the line that would startle the rest.
"No matter how grumpy, no matter how mean,
Christmas still comes to the swamp’s evergreen!"
The swamp critters gathered, the fireflies lit,
While Alistair’s cold heart did something... it *split*.
He’d heard it before but ignored it each year,
But now it was louder and painfully clear.
---
The Swamp’s Sweet Surprise
The turtles came forward with slow, steady grins,
While raccoons played bongos on hollowed-out tins.
"Christmas isn’t just fishing poles, toys, and pie.
It’s singing together beneath Florida’s sky!"
Otters splashed wildly, their laughter rang loud,
While possums hung tinsel from branches unbowed.
Even a heron (who’s known to be snooty)
Danced with a crab doing moves most unruly.
Alistair blinked, his snout curled in a twist,
His swampy old heart filled with something he’d missed.
With a *GLOOP* and a *GLURP*, he fell on his tail,
His plan had gone wrong, and his scaly face paled.
"I’ve stolen their gifts, their stockings, their pies!
But Christmas is something you can’t steal with lies."
He lowered his head, he let out a sigh,
Then he did something no gator’s done... not one guy!
He pulled off the bows, unwrapped every box,
Set Bubba’s new boots by the cypress’ old rocks.
He hung up the stockings, the kites, and the lights,
He baked swampberry pies all through the night.
---
The Gator’s Change of Heart
By morning’s first glow, the swamp buzzed with delight,
Even Alistair Snout was a friend (not a fright).
He’d learned what he’d missed all those Christmases long —
It’s not just the gifts, it’s the love and the song.
The critters all cheered, "Alistair’s nice!"
He’s baking the pies, he’s even got spice!
From that day on, when the holidays came,
Alistair’s name wasn’t linked with disdain.
His log in the swamp had a wreath at its door,
And he’d host the whole swamp with treats galore.
With his heart full of kindness, his Christmas now bright,
Alistair Snout *still* stays up all night — but now for the joy, not the fright.
**Moral of the Story**:
You can’t steal Christmas with claws or a grin.
But you *can* bake a pie and invite others in.